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Monday, February 27, 2012

My Idol Has Feet of Clay!

So it's been crazy and work on this blog has been left at the check-in desk at the physc ward!

Well things with my parents came to a head and a reasonable long as my sister keeps her word this time!

Let me warn you who have parents entering their "Golden Years":

Since we were young, my parents had let it be known that they did not want to end up in a "home".  That they wanted to end their days in their own home.  My sister and I agreed we would make it happen.

Well turns out keeping them home is costly.  Not only financially but emotionally and relationship wise.  To avoid these pit falls be sure that you and your parents visit a trust worthy Elder law attorny (avoid at all costs the "free" seminars offered by large firms).  Actually anyone over 50 with a home and investment assets should visit one!

It also turns out that to one member of our family, a life long promise is only good if it doesn't inconvenience you.  Or require you to accept responsibility for yourself and others!

After running around in circles for over a year. (4 really but got down to brass tacks this past year)  Listening to threats of leaving (or not leaving) and insinuations that the dreaded nursing home would be a better choice.  We have, I think, a resolution.  And for the next few years at least, my parents and my family shall remain in our respective homes.

I promise you no matter how loving or kind you think you or your siblings are today....When push comes to shove at the end...people flip...and flip out!  Protect yourself and your loved ones.....Get "Golden Years" plans on paper!  A will and a living will are not enough.  Verbal promises no matter how long ago they were made, or how often they were confirmed....are not enough!

I am proud of one thing. Through it all....We never let if effect the relationship my children have with their aunt.  There was a bit of damage when we told them she had given us a move out date and we would be moving in.  Then it never happened.  My daughter, who is unbelievably empathetic and insightful, was let down by the emotional upheaveal this caused for us.  She felt very lost by it all.  I swallowed the words of hate and disgust I wanted to use to explain the situation.  I totally sugar coated it all to keep her faith and love for her aunt intact.  She didn't buy it though....She still loves her but you can see her trust is not as it was.

Hopefully this has taught her that family is family.  We forgive and move on. We love them no matter what.  The rest of the lessons I will teach her when she is older.

You may be wondering how my son did through all this....Well I THINK it all rolled off his back.  He's always been that type.  However there was a period of time that he was acting up in school (talking too much in class) and at home....Not sure if it was this or the excitement of Christmas and their birthday....hope it was the latter!

Well hope this helps you all....It has helped me to get it off my chest and to think it may help others to avoid these problems in the future.

Oh and to be clear.  I do not think that caring for elderly parents are for everyone.  I know that in some cases being in a nursing home would be better for them as well as the children.  So please don't feel that I would look down on those that choose not to take that path.  It is a hard one, and not for many!  I just pray that others will not stand in the way of those that can!

I hope this is the last I have to preach on this subject!

Next week... onto just Mom-ing issues! 

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Oops I Don't Like the Solution!

Okay in my first blog I complained about how all the "after School" activities began way to late in the day. -Really a better term would be "before bedtime" activities.

I also said I would have some solutions....Well I do, but....I don't like it!  The only thing I could come up would require me to step up and give up more free time!

It would appear to me that the only solution would be to start my own boy/girl scout troops and have them meet at the school, directly after school.

I honestly try to be the best mother ever....However I do not feel I can add that to my plate! Plus I have to admit part of me would like these things to be after school so it would give me more time to get things done.  This "wonderful" solution I came up with is the antithesis of that!

I am playing around with the idea of sending out fliers to see how many "takers" I have.  I could then see if I can put my marketing/sales background to work and convince someone else to run them......hmmmmmm

So anyway...would one of you out there think of  another solution?  OR.......

Maybe you have been longing to help mold the hearts and minds of today's youth, our countries future leaders.  And have just realized that THIS is the opportunity you've been looking for?  Many companies do let you take time off from work for community service.......(what do you think? Do I still have my sales skills? Have I sold you?)

Well that's it this week....still trying to get the house back together from 2 birthday parties and a leaking roof!

Before I go, would you also try and come up with a solutions to kids organized sports having practice and/or games on a Sunday....When do we get a day of rest? What about church? What about visiting our elder family members?  What about REST?!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

So now a little bit about the parents

I have to say I have the best parents ever.  They truly lived for their children and then their grandchildren. 

I followed in my mothers footsteps and had my kids later in life, so they had to wait along time. Once the twins came my parents were over joyed.  However they had hit their 80's and were not able to help in the way they had dreamed of. 

Did I wish they could do more to help care for them? Yes.  Did it matter? No.  They were over all the time playing, loving and supporting all of us. Once it was too hard for them to come here we went there. 

Slowly, naturally, and without even noticing the roles switched.

Where once when Grandpa was the only one that could sooth and lull 9 month old Tori to sleep when she was sick.  Now Tori is the one that runs to sit next to Grandpa and hold and cuddle him.  Bringing a much needed joy and light to his day.  Grammy was the one who would soothe PJ's tears after a fall.  Now he keeps an eye on her every time she walks with her walker, reminding her to watch her step and feel for the chair on the back of her legs before she sits.

Even though the roles are reversed the twins still LOVE to spend time with their grandparents.  If I have let too much time go by between visits (which happens more often then it should...but when I spend most of the day there helping them I sometimes find it too tiring to go back again with the bad) they hound me until we go.

I worry that this reversal of roles is not good for the twins.  Then I think of all the other cultures where this is the norm.  And I reflect on how much love and happiness is in the air when they are there and I am sure it is good for all of them.

As their needs grow and their funds dwindle I wonder if it is time to combine households. But I worry for the relationship between them. Will the love be strong enough to bare the burden?  Will it be too hard to watch them get weaker?  Will the twins activity and noise level be too much for my parents on a 24/7 basis?  Or will it breath much needed light and laughter into their now restricted lives.

So this is another reason I have started this blog.  To put all of this out there.  It's here to help me review and reflect.  It's here to hopefully help others dealing with the same issues...And maybe they can help me?

Oh, and today, Tori's bunny (who I bought out of guilt one day because I knew their Nanna- my husbands mother- was in the hospital dieing.) peed in my eye!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Venting and Questioning

So here is one of my questions.

Why aren't any after school activities actually after school?

I understand that most moms work and can't get kids to things earlier than 6pm.  But not all of us work! (well I do but only part-time and I am home by 11am)  Why can't some things start at 3:30 or 4pm?

If you look it up it says that elementary aged children should be getting 10-12 hours of sleep.  If scouting or dance or sports don't start until 6 or 6:30 how are they supposed to get the sleep they need?  Should school start later?  Oh but wait if we do that how do working parents get to work on time?

My next post will be some solutions to this I'm going to tick some people off!

Hello anyone else out there like me?

So I decided to do try this blog thing for 2 reasons.
1. To use as a sort of diary/sounding board
2. To see if there were other moms out there like me.  Trying to give their kids what they had and in turn banging there head against a brick wall!

In case you can't tell yet....This is my first attempt at blogging and I am not sure what I am doing!